What The Fuck?

That’s all I could think when I swept my finger along Emaline’s gums this afternoon, in an effort to figure out why she was screaming bloody murder. I had a clue, as she’d been spewing copious amounts of drool for the last several days.

And then I felt it. And then I saw the white patch. Waaaay the hell back. Not molars, maybe bicuspids? It was freaky. She would not stop screaming so I couldn’t take a better look. I had Todd feel around. He agreed, it was definitely a tooth.

But is this totally abnormal? And did we just experience the worst of it? We didn’t have time to answer these questions as she continued to scream hysterically like never before.

Quick, put her in the blanket, I said. We put her down in the middle, and each of us grabbed the ends, and picked her up, and started swinging side to side, back and forth, for a good thirty minutes. Then we gently placed her on the bed.

They have things like this at stores. They’re battery operated. They’re called swings. I whispered these things to Todd, sarcastically. Oh I will never put my baby in a battery-operated machine, no, never. But stand there like idiots, cradling her in a blanket, swinging her back and forth together until she dozed off peacefully unaffected by the monstrous tooth poking through, because it’s the only thing that would stop her from crying? No problem.

Sometimes I really wonder what my priorities are!